god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
jump out the window naked night went bad
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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