Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
