you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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