Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
