I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
