There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize