Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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