Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
