Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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