I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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