dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
