Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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