i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
