Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
