I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
