Welp...herpes.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
