I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
