the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
you never un-have a 4some
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
