he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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