i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
