I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
