is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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