you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
