I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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