I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
