Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
