i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
