if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
