Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
