Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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