threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
