You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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