How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
