dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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