I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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