You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
