$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
