I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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