my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
