I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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