i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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