I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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