all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
