you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize