There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
