He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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