Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
