I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
