It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
