i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
