Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Screwed.edu
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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