If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
There's always time for handjobs
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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