if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I looked at my own cervix.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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