Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
