I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Randomize
