Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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