On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
