i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
