Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
