i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
