That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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