Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
