Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
