Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Found your dick twin last night
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
