Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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