so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's shark week go big or go home
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
