the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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