Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You work out of a Hotel?
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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