we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
