i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
