i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
