i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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