Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i was born a porn star she said
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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