you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
