why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
